It is also important to note that if your loved one’s behavior has altered drastically over the course of your relationship, changing from charming to controlling, for example, you should move on too. If, however, your partner or loved one makes you feel threatened or unsafe, if they are abusing or bullying you in any way, you should leave. Now, before I go on to describe the mindfulness activity I need to make it clear that the activity relates to changing your perspective about the niggling little habits or behaviors your loved one might have that drive you crazy, or the feeling your relationship is stuck in a rut. Improving our relationships comes down to shifting our focus and embracing mindfulness. This bias of course works the other way around too. We don’t see the less wonderful qualities that might start to annoy us months later. In the early days of a romantic relationship we are often focused on the wonderfulness of our new partner. When our brain is occupied with one thing, its ability to pay attention to something else can become blocked. And that focus can stop us from being aware of other things going on around us. What we think about expands-the good and the bad. The truth is, our increased dissatisfaction with our loved ones has a lot to do with what we give our attention to and how we experience what we see and perceive.Īnyone can become really irritating if all we focus on and give our energy to on a regular basis are their perceived flaws and annoying habits. This can snowball so that you start to notice more and more annoying habits. Niggling little things, which maybe never bothered us before, can become increasingly annoying. When we complain and find fault with our loved ones, all we can see are their flaws. I discovered that all it takes is a change in mindset. Regardless of what we feel is “wrong” or missing in our relationships, we can still improve our connections relatively quickly and easily. Relationships do of course change over time, and problems occur, but that doesn’t mean they have to change for the worse. And if it continues for long enough, it can break the relationship altogether. It’s hard to feel like that when you love someone because it chips away at the intimacy and joy in the relationship. I found myself forgetting the loving and caring things they did and instead focusing on my disappointment and irritation. In the past I used to brood over the “wrong” things my loved ones said or did.Īs a result, small matters, such as forgetting to call me to say they’d be late or not doing the dishes when I had cooked dinner, could easily become bigger issues. I used to hyper-focus on what was “wrong” in my relationships, which resulted in more dissatisfaction until all I could see were the problems, not the people. Like everyone else I’ve experienced plenty of ups and downs in my relationships, and I know all too well how draining and frustrating those “down” times can be. Often, we feel we are simply too busy to focus on how we can improve the situation. But it’s all too easy to become sidetracked and complacent, and to stop appreciating and truly connecting with those closest to us. Nurturing our relationships requires time, attention, and effort. The quality of our relationships has a massive impact on our levels of happiness and well-being.

“When we get too caught up in the busyness of the world, we lose connection with one another-and ourselves.” ~ Jack Kornfield

Weather feel annoyed